Lord Lucan is alive, well, and exerting political influence in New Zealand

Ian Wishart’s Investigate Magazine reports:

Investigate has learned that the 7th Earl of Lucan, Richard John Bingham, did not commit suicide after murdering his children’s nanny, Sandra Rivett, in 1974. Instead, Lucan fled to New Zealand.

Lucan learned that a New Zealander, Donald Thomas Brash, who had in 1961 attained a Masters’ degree in economics with a thesis arguing that foreign investment damaged a country’s economic development and had been working overseas for the World Bank, had returned to New Zealand.  Brash had become General Manager of Broadbank Corporation, a merchant bank.

7th Earl of Lucan - 2011

7th Earl of Lucan - 1974

With his considerable wealth, Lucan was able to undergo plastic surgery to change his appearance and voice training to speak (almost) like a New Zealander.  Then came the masterstroke – Lucan, who by now through his plastic surgery looked almost identical to Donald Thomas Brash, murdered Brash, assumed his identity, and sought to commence a political career in New Zealand.

Lucan, under his assumed identity, unsuccessfully stood for the New Zealand National Party in the East Coast Bays electorate in 1978 and 1981. However, his new life took an upturn in 1982, when he became managing director of the New Zealand Kiwifruit Authority, and in 1986 he became general manager of Trust Bank.

In 1988 Lucan conned New Zealand’s Labour Party into appointing him Governor of the Reserve Bank of New Zealand, a position he held for 14 years.  He re-entered politics under his Donald Thomas Brash identity in 2002, and assumed the National Party’s leadership in 2003.  However, his political ineptitude resulted in him losing the 2005 election which most opinion polls predicted National would win.  Following a sex scandal, Lucan resigned the National Party leadership in 2006.

Lucan is currently attempting a political comeback with a bizarre and confused mix of economic libertarians and social authoritarians in the ACT Party, having murdered ACT’s former Leader, Rodney Hide.

Confidential sources have told Investigate that the body of the real Donald Thomas Brash was weighted with concrete blocks and dumped in Auckland’s Western Springs pond, where it has likely been consumed by eels.

Investigate is also confidentially informed that a young man by the name of David Garrett assisted Lucan in the disposal of the body.

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3 thoughts on “Lord Lucan is alive, well, and exerting political influence in New Zealand

  1. Gosh, this sounded so like the real Ian Wishart ‘journalistic’ style that I actually went for a quick search to see if Investigate had published any updates on this story!

    Toad, you should be ghostwriting novels, I mean biographies, too!

    😀 cures monday-itis, anyway.

  2. Prefer the carnivorous reptilian shapeshifter wearing human skin hypothesis myself – more plausible _b

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