The short and incredibly happy life of Tolley

Tolley was born happy. She had a mother and father, and they had lots and lots of money. They loved each other, and they had lots and lots and lots of money.

Tolley was warm and cozy in whichever of her many houses she chose to live in. What more could she want?

Tolley loved the simple things in life. She loved to ride in helicopters. When she had an itch on her back, all Tolley would want was someone to scratch her back for her. She never wanted to be someplace other than up in a helicopter.

Tolley was never bothered with the problems workers have because she had lots and lots and lots of money. When she looked in a mirror all she saw was what she was. Tolley fell in love with money and power and became a National Party MP.

She was the most perfect and happy Tolley when the nice Mr Key made her Minister of Education.

She could ride in helicopters whenever she chose. She could cut Enviroschools and community education classes and school staffing levels and freeze wages and draw up league tables and read children’s stories to teachers.  She was the most perfect and happy Tolley.

She could ride in helicopters whenever she chose and the nice Mr Key would still be relaxed.

Sadly enough, the political life of a Minister of Education is short, and especially so when she is thick and incompetent.

[With apologies to Colin Thompson and Amy Lissiat]

Update: Roger Waters beat me to it – by over 30 years:

 

Get back in your box, Judith

Lloyd’s List’s Last Word opines:

DON’T you get heartily sick of namby-pamby, bleeding-heart liberals and their stick-in-the-mud notion that containers are primarily a means of shifting cargo between world ports, rather than keeping criminals under lock and key?

Last Word understands that in New Zealand, Judith Collins — a politician who, we understand, rejoices in the title of corrections minister, which probably isn’t as saucy as it sounds — is planning to bang up cons in Rimutaka Prison in surplus boxes.

A new unit will provide beds for 60 inmates at a cost of NZ$63,000 ($43,000), which is substantially less than conventional prison accommodation.

Ms Collins is looking to cut costs further in future and is considering proposals to make prisoners do the conversion work themselves.

But hand-wringing do-gooders such as Peter Williams, president of the Howard League for Penal Reform, has blasted the scheme as bringing about “tin shanties and slum prisons”.

He has even called for them to be air-conditioned in summer and heated in winter. What does he think prison is — a holiday camp?

The move has also been slammed by Maritime Union of New Zealand general secretary Trevor Hanson, who says: “New Zealanders needs secure jobs, not jail cells.”

We at Lloyd’s List can have no truck with such social worker sentiment. Given that containers are regarded as the last word in luxury by stowaways, they are more than good enough for Kiwi crims, especially if container lessors can flog worn-out units to the New Zealand government at suitably inflated prices.

Judith Collins is off to Gdansk, one of Europe’s largest ports, next week, ostensibly in her capacity as Veterans’ Affairs Minister to attend commemorations to mark the 70th anniversary of the start of World War II.

But given that Collins is also Corrections Minister, this seems too good an opportunity for her to pass by.

What’s the bet she will also be hanging around Gdansk’s port looking for a cheap deal on some of these:

 

I’m a westie too, but this is seriously tacky

UPDATE: Well, at least it matches the coat.

 

It’s like…

…a really pathetic emissions target, or something, after you’ve already put the already inadequate Emissions Trading Scheme on hold on review.

 

Build your own referendumb

In the tradition of Build your own billboard (linked site from that post no longer active), you can now build your own referendum.

Here’s my effort:

[EDIT: Original Image © Crown copyright http://bit.ly/electcopy] – this edit added due to stupid and draconian copyright law.

Unfortunately, they don’t seem to have got them going into the gallery yet, as it is still reporting as “Nothing here at the moment.”

Hopefully that will be fixed shortly. [EDIT: It now is fixed.]

BTW, don’t forget to Vote Yes, despite the stupidity of the question. A yes vote is a vote against child abuse.

 

Silly headline of the week

Man found dead in own vomit at backpackers

Ever heard of someone being found dead in someone else’s vomit?

Well, I suppose you could slip over in it and hit your head. But really?

 

It’s Dead Duck Day

As well as being World Environment Day, today is Dead Duck Day.

On 5 June 1995 an adult male mallard (Anas platyrhynchos) collided with the glass façade of the Natuurmuseum Rotterdam and died. Another drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously for 75 minutes.

Then the author, Kees Moeliker, disturbed the scene and secured the dead duck. Dissection showed that the rape-victim indeed was of the male sex. It is concluded that the mallards were engaged in an ‘Attempted Rape Flight’ that resulted in the first described case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard.